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Notable Quotes

Steed fumes to Dr. Keel, "So, Keels rush in where Steeds and angels fear to tread!" Dr. Keel responds sheepishly, "Well, I suppose it was a bit melodramatic." The Frighteners

Steed phones Cathy while she is half-dressed and asks, "Are you decent?" Death Dispatch

Cathy: "Do you always arrange to take your calls in a lingerie department?" Steed: "If humanly possible." Propellant 23

An inebriated Steed is pestering Cathy about her breaking into a scientist's study. "Did I break any bones?" she barks. Warlock

Speaking to Steed, Cathy remarks of De Groot, "I wish I didn't have to have a meal with him—you should see him eat!" Immortal Clay

Cathy to Steed as he enters her window: "Go out and come through the front door like a civilized human being." Six Hands Across A Table

Steed, looking through Cathy's snapshots: "Well, he's in every one. Hey, you could take some color ones of him—I'll get you some film, very fast, very special..." Six Hands Across A Table

Cathy, defending her boyfriend: "He was with me when it happened." Steed: "Well, he must have had his hands full." Six Hands Across A Table

In a rendezvous following Cathy's faked murder, Seed greets her with, "Liveliest looking corpus I ever saw—oh, and very dilecti, if I may say so." Brief for Murder

Steed: "What were you trying to do to your 'friend'?" Zalenko: "Disjoint his left arm from its socket over my right shoulder." Steed: "And where did you learn that particular piece of nastiness?" Zalenko: "Saturday afternoon British television, last time I was here. You should watch." Concerto

Furious with Steed for wining and dining her but not filling her in on the details, Cathy growls, "He who does not tell truth gets cushion in eye." The Golden Fleece

Steed pokes fun at a maid who is reading a gossip magazine. "She only started to develop when she took up weight lifting." Death la Carte

Steed casually asks what's for breakfast. Cathy fires back, "Cook it and see." Man With Two Shadows

Steed: "How does Gordon strike you?" Cathy: "With a thud." Man With Two Shadows

Whilst creeping through a florist shop after hours, Steed encounters a miniature Venus statue (which is of course armless) and murmurs, "That's what comes with biting your fingernails." Death of a Batman

Steed is studying a typewriter to see if it had been used to generate a damning piece of evidence and observes, "Blunt F, squint I, H above the line... a very good description of my Auntie Queenie." November Five

Steed is describing to Cathy a false missile report. "It was a close call, though. Another few seconds and you and I would've been mutating by now." Dressed to Kill

Steed relates that Mr. Benson didn't care much for Mrs. Benson. "If there was fog in the air, Mrs. Benson was in the air." Mandrake

Cathy quizzes Steed at the racetrack: "What did you really want me down here for?—I'm a bit rusty on my tic-tac." Trojan Horse

Steed asks a young woman if she would like a drink. "Not before sundown," she replies. "Of course, you could draw the curtains." The Charmers

Just prior to leaving her apartment to sniff around an army base, Cathy asks Steed, "Anything you want to draw from stores?" Steed: "Yes, but—uh—I doubt if you'd issue it." Esprit de Corps

After Steed gives Emma a bottle of champagne to enjoy while she remains in a coffin, he advises, "Don't get tipsy... We can't have you hiccoughin' in the coffin." The Murder Market

Steed: "Tried working once, didn't work out. Too much like work." The Murder Market

Emma is describing the perfect match for Steed: "A mixture of Lucretia Borgia and Joan of Arc." Steed: "Sounds like every girl I ever knew." The Murder Market

While Emma enjoys a trampoline, Steed complains, "Look, do you mind, it's like watching a game of perpendicular tennis!" The Master Minds

After Steed finally nails the identity of a vintage in a wine tasting contest, he adds: "From the northern end of the vineyard." (Cue the opponent's monocle to fall out.) Dial a Deadly Number

Steed finds Emma in the lingerie department and remarks, "I asked the chief predator where to find you and he said, 'Our Mrs. Peel is in ladies' underwear.' I rattled up the stairs three at a time." Death at Bargain Prices

Emma: "Surely you've been thrown out of places before?" Steed: "Only the best places." Death at Bargain Prices

Touring Steed's bedroom, Emma admires a four-poster and remarks, "I've always rather fancied myself in one of these." Steed: "So have I—I mean, I have, too." Too Many Christmas Trees

Steed is ruminating about people "poking around in one's inmost thoughts," then he and Emma stop and stare upwards with frowns and Steed remarks, "And you can put that in your crystal ball!" Too Many Christmas Trees

Steed: "If I'm not back by eleven-thirty, I'll stay for breakfast." Emma: "You don't eat breakfast." The Cybernauts

With respect to being an "engine driver" (train engineer), Steed remarks, "There's no security, always on the move," to which Emma replies, "At least it would have kept you to the straight and narrow." The Gravediggers

After Steed announces he'll be dining with Max Chessman, Emma comments, "Well, don't come to me for the bicarbonate of soda." Room Without a View

Trapped in a hydraulic wine press, Emma growls to her captor, "You diabolical mastermind, you!" A Surfeit of H2O

Emma admires Brodny's cigar. "That's nice." Brodny: "You're not smoking it." Two's a Crowd

After Steed kills a man-eating plant, he informs Emma, "I'm a herbicidal maniac, didn't you know?" Man-Eater of Surrey Green

Steed spots a young woman entering the pub and tells Emma, "I'll see what I can pick up here." Emma: "I'm sure you will... pick up something." Silent Dust

When Steed complains about the fruit punch, Emma quips, "Your recipe, I suppose?" Steed: "Naturally. Wherever I linger, I leave my mark." The Hour That Never Was

Steed describes an old trainer is mates used to fly around. When Emma says she can't hear a plane, Steed explains, "Takes a bit of coaxing to get it started. So will you when you're that age." The Hour That Never Was

As Steed unties Emma from a saddle, Emma cries, "Ow! Tight girth!" Steed: "We'll have to cut down on the oats." The Town of No Return

An injured Emma is left in Steed's tender care. Emma whimpers, and Steed tells her, "Lean on me, Mistress Peel, as much as you like." Castle De'ath

Laid up after being hit with a rocket-powered golf ball, Steed credits his trusty hat for saving his life, and Emma comments, "It really is the height of pessimism to have a hat lined with chain mail." The Thirteenth Hole

As all hell breaks loose in a fake jungle, Colonel Rawlings muses, "By Jove, the natives are restless tonight." Small Game for Big Hunters

Steed: "Six bodies in an hour and twenty minutes. What do you call that?" Georgie: "It's a good first act." The Girl from Auntie

After having accidentally target-shot his "lunchtime refreshment," Steed laments, "Hate to see good beer going into orbit." Quick-Quick Slow Death

Emma: "You're number nine!" Steed: "And you're dancing with garlic sausage!" Quick-Quick Slow Death

Feeling the temples of a bust of Napoleon, a phrenologist remarks: "Can always tell a military head." Steed: "Bullet-shaped." The Danger Makers

Peters, to Steed about Colonel Adams: "She's recreating the Indian mutiny in the potting shed." The Danger Makers

Emma: "I've come here to appeal to you, Mister Cartney." Cartney: "You certainly do that!" A Touch of Brimstone

Steed reminds Emma she has a date with Group Captain Miles, leaving her with the advice, "Don't do anything I would do." What the Butler Saw

While Steed is carrying on in Air Force jargon at Group Captain Miles' residence, one of them remarks, "Downgraded to 007." What the Butler Saw

Emma: "What happened to the shining armor?" Steed: "It's still at the laundry." The House That Jack Built

Discussing Steed's rubber sword at the costume party, Emma observes: "That looks a bit droopy." To which Steed responds: "Wait until it's challenged." A Sense of History

Identifying the perfume Emma produces from a tire pump, Mr. Hooter exclaims, "Leap into my fervid arms!" How To Succeed....At Murder

Setting Emma up for her role as a member of a harem, Steed asks, "What size do you take in Turkish trousers?" Honey for the Prince

Examining Emma's homemade giraffe, Steed remarks, "Known you all this time and never knew that you could sew." Emma: "Well, our relationship hasn't been exactly domestic, has it?" Escape in Time

Steed: "Do you know they brought over the whole Eastern rocket program in the eye of a needle?" Emma: "Ingenious!" Steed: "Except for the fact that the courier laid down and rested in a haystack." Emma: "You mean they..." Steed: "They're still looking for it." The Bird Who Knew Too Much

Venus: "Occupation?" Steed: "Following in Father's footsteps. He spent his life depositing money; I spend mine withdrawing it." From Venus With Love

Faced with death by laser beam, Emma quips, "It's quicker than a peroxide rinse." From Venus With Love

"Eee-urp!" The Winged Avenger

Emma opens an over-enthusiastic bottle of champagne that spills all over her. "It just went with a wallop!" she giggles. The Winged Avenger

Steed attempts to refuse the wiles of Mandy: "If you think you can make me change my... that you can twist me around your... that by rolling those... beautiful blue eyes—" Mandy: "They're gray, actually." Steed: "So, they are, they're soft gray—I love the way they—NO, NO, NO!" The Living Dead

After taking the particulars for Steed's cat, Emma, Mr. Cheshire remarks, "And what a joy for you it must be when she's curled up in your lap." The Hidden Tiger

Grotski: "What's the matter with him—is he dumb or something?" Percy: "No, he's British." The Correct Way to Kill

Doctor: "He'd been attacked." Steed: "By a banana?" Never, Never Say Die

Emma to her co-stars: "Gloat all you like. But just remember... I'm the star of this picture." Epic

When Hana explains she knocked out Steed, Emma scolds, "Naughty. He won't like that." The Superlative Seven

Steed finishes the grinning train conductor's explanation of his bomb plot with, "Pop goes the diesel." A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Station

Steed: "Oh, dear, do you think I frightened him?" The Joker

Steed/Basil: "What sort of fiend are we dealing with? A man who would bite the end off a cigar is capable of anything." Who's Who???

Emma: "You know my wavelength." Steed: "I do indeed." Death's Door

Steed, referring to a toaster that blew up: "That's the first thing Great Britain's ever got into orbit." Return of the Cybernauts

Emma's just left an embassy junket. Steed sympathizes with, "The rattle of ambassadorial medals, the drone of speeches..." and Emma finishes, "All proceeding at the pace of an infirm, gravely debilitated, very old snail." Dead Man's Treasure

Steed is expecting secret papers from you-know-where. Emma: "Hot stuff?" Steed: "I've laid out my asbestos gloves." Dead Man's Treasure

As they bounce through a field in the Bentley, Steed notices Penny's legs and remarks, "It's a short skirt—er, short cut!" Dead Man's Treasure

Frustrated at the lack of film images of a recluse, Steed says to Emma, "Oh, well, shall we rewind it or go on to Popeye?" The 50,000 Breakfast

Emma: "Now. Take me to your leader. Or... lead me to your taker." You Have Just Been Murdered

Emma; "How's my little Johnsy-wonsy?" Steed: "Johnsy-wonsy's fine! But you sound as if you've been soaking up a bit too much grape juice." Murdersville

Steed describes to Emma how a bartender came after him with a twelve-bore when he mentioned her name. "And I hadn't even criticized the beer." Murdersville

Emma to Steed, upon being released from a chastity belt: "I told them you were a whiz with locks." Murdersville

Miss Wentworth-Howe hands Steed a key she had tucked inside a garter belt and he smiles, commenting to himself, "Still warm." Emma: "Don't forget to return the key..." The Positive Negative Man

Steed: "Don't fight it, Mrs. Peel—we're inseparable." The Positive Negative Man

Emma is carrying a miniaturized Steed around in a little sack and comments, "I'm not sure I shouldn't keep you like this. After all, it's one way to bag a man." Mission... Highly Improbable

Swindin, the hand-witing expuht: "Wemawkable!" Split!

Marler: "You like that one!" Steed: "It has a certain humorous shape." Look - (stop me if you've heard this one) But There Were These Two Fellers...

Steed describing his violent ancestors: "I had a great aunt on my mother's side—ruthless with a knitting needle." My Wildest Dream

When Steed asks Tara to double for Pelley's niece, he shows her a photo and she asks, "Where's the resemblance?" Steed: "The knees." Whoever Shot Poor George Oblique Stroke XR40?

Colonel Timothy: "What are we looking for?" Steed: "An attractive brunette." Colonel Timothy: "Who isn't?" You'll Catch Your Death

Steed, upon hearing Tara's ethereal voice: "Disembodied and still have an appetite?" All Done with Mirrors

Tara to Steed, who is unknowingly sitting on a corpse: "Jarret... You're sitting on him." Super Secret Cypher Snatch

Tara: "They're all dead." Wishforth-Browne: "Oh, dear. One lump or two?" Game

Steed commenting on the wine he finds in Penman's refrigerator: "Plucky, but from the wrong side of the hill." False Witness

Baron Von Curt to Tara about multiple Steeds headed their way: "Look—the woods are full of them!" They Keep Killing Steed

Mr. Pym: "Look, I'm very tied up as I told you just now, I have nerbium teselartum in the hammer beam and I have hillertroops bijalum in the perlins, so after all that would you think it very rude if I might have a sit down?" The Rotters

Steed: "Sock it to me." The Morning After

Steed comments to Sir Rodney, who had killed a surveillance agent, "Three shots. Very civil. You even shoot people in triplicate." Love All

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" (Penelope Keith) Take Me To Your Leader

Steed comments on seeing Cathy Gale's file while searching for another agent's file from WW I: "I know she's indestructible, but it's further back than that." Pandora

Steed: "I used to have a very favorite aunt, and she used to say if Christmas had come in August, chestnut stuffing would never have been invented." Inge: "And what does this mean?" Steed: "I haven't the faintest idea, but she was always saying it." Thingumajig

Miranda learns that Steed's cousin is Demon Desmond, the world Ludo champion, and exclaims, "Groovy, baby!" Requiem

Steed remarks at seeing the dining room clear out right after dinner: "I haven't seen a room clear so quickly since Freddie Ferman took a live skunk into a Turkish bath." Take-Over

Happy Meadows: "Wot? All of them?" Bizarre

Steed borrows Purdey's lipstick to mark a target on a window and remarks, "What a lovely shade of pink." Purdey: "Pink? It's called, 'Sins of Youth'." Steed: "That's not a color, it's an accusation." The Eagle's Nest

Miss Sing bids Steed farewell with, "May you have the blessings of many sons." Steed: "In view of the fact that I'm not married, many sons might prove rather an embarrassment. Of course, if you were prepared to become personally involved in the event..." The Midas Touch

Steed advises a bevy of teenage girls lined up for his inspection, "Remember, when you're screaming, you're screaming for England." House of Cards

Steed confronts the Minister with his suspicions. "You see my position, Minister, I have to suspect everyone. My recurring nightmare is that one day I may have to arrest myself." To Catch a Rat

Professor Lopez offers Steed some of his vile "special brew," commenting, "That's the way I judge a man." Steed groans in response, "Intestinal fortitude." Target!

Gambit meets with Steed on a shooting range bearing a pump-style shotgun which fails to meet with Steed's approval—not a "gentleman's" gun. But Steed assures, "I'm not annoyed with you, Gambit. After all, you can't help your background." Faces

Purdey and Gambit examine Steed's bloated, lumpy bowler after it had saved his life from a point-blank shotgun blast. Gambit suggests Steed might need a phrenologist, and Purdey quips, "He needs a phrenologist like he needs a hole in the head." Tale of the Big Why

"Mike," Helen moans to Gambit, "take your clothes off." The Three-Handed Game

While our trio is being inoculated against sleeping gas, the scientist makes a reference to tests done on rabbits. Purdey observes, "People aren't like rabbits." Steed chimes in, "Oh, I don't know, an uncle of mine sired nineteen children. He was a keen bicyclist... Of course, he got about a bit." Sleeper

Purdey and Gambit locate one another using "bird" whistles. When they find one another, Purdey asks, "Now what should we do? Build a nest?" Gambit follows with, "Are you in good shape?" Pause, frown. "Silly question." Dirtier by the Dozen

Gambit admires Steed's medal. "How'd you get that? Ruthlessness in the field?" Steed: "Dedication to duty." Gambit: "Same thing." Hostage

Steed: "My arm is broken." Purdey: "Are you sure?" Steed: "It is my arm." Trap

Purdey is more upset by vandalism to Steed's home than he is, and he consoles her: "The only thing that can't be replaced is the love and life of an old friend. And if the Chinese didn't say that, they damn well ought to have done." Dead Men Are Dangerous

Steed, while sitting under a heat lamp in full dress: "Not hot enough. I like California, on one of their less-good summers." Angels of Death

Purdey, after Gambit breaks into a room where she is in traction: "Switch it off or I'll be playing the Harlem Globetrotters!" Angels of Death

Steed: "The Unicorn... He's just a teeny bit dead." The Lion and the Unicorn

A bewildered fisherman offers Steed some advice. "Fishin'?" Steed: "Yes." Fisherman: "They're in the trees, ya know." Forward Base

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This website Copyright 1996-2017 David K. Smith. All Rights Reserved.
Page last modified: 5 May 2017.

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